...and you're under arrest, too.
Hott-shit disco dancer, former Lindsay Lohan stud-candy, and close personal friend of the new Mr. Demi Moore, Wilmer Valderrama has been tapped to star in the plum role of Officer Francis "Ponch" Poncherello in a big-screen adaptation of the avant-garde 70s television classic CHiPs. (Now that was a long and snarky sentence.) Can Fez hope to fill the studly leather macho boots of Eric Estrada? No, but watching him try will be worth $10.75 at the local googleplex. (And check the management's professional Photoshop skillz.)
Watch this wonderful holiday video starring our beloved Sarah Silverman: "Give the Jew Girl Toys"
CBGB has been saved... momentarily. The "punk" landmark will close in 2006. (Don't wanna register at NYTimes.com? Read about it at Bitchfork.)
America's Next Top Model, the guiltiest motherfuckin' pleasure that ever done guilted, concluded last night. For the first time ever, the winner was someone I would happily sleep with.
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